We started the process in April. That's when I screwed up my courage and called the Edhi New York branch for some information. They told me that Bilquis Edhi, the wife of the man who began the entire philanthropic empire and the person in charge of the adoptions, was there and told me to call her. I did, and she made me feel very positive about the chances of adopting. That same day, I called around and found an organization to conduct our home study. By July, we had the home study approval and the I-600A on its way to USCIS. We also had a complete application for Edhi.
The application itself was a trip. For an organization that helped millions of people, and whose founders were still deep in the trenches, the form was rather simple. It looked amateurish, even. It had the usual questions about our income, job descriptions, address, age, etc. But it also had an area to indicate what gender we wanted and what our desired skin color was. Of course, we put down that we didn't care. I had thought S. would have had a preference for gender (especially since the desired sex is male, preferably light-skinned), but I was wrong. He made a really good point-we would have no say in what we had if we had conceived, so why should we choose now?
We did our research, and found out that we could make the largest impact on the organization if we came to drop off our application rather than mailing it in. So, seeing as we had to go to Pakistan in July for my sister-in-law's wedding, we decided to take a day and go in person, especially since it was only a two-hour flight. After late flights and a crazy taxi driver, we made it to the office. It was in the worst possible area in Karachi, which made sense because they want to help people who need it. The office was small and crowded, and you could tell that any donated money was not being used to decorate it. We dropped off the paperwork, chatted for a bit, and then stopped to visit my mother-in-law's cousin before we headed back to Islamabad. We had been told that we needed a local contact to come and pick up the baby once one became available, and she was the only person we knew in the area. She served us lunch and agreed to help us.
The way things work for this particular orphanage is that you need to bother them to show your commitment. You have to call once a week (at least) and ask how things were going and if there was any news.You also had to call between 8-10:00 am, Pakistani time. There was no guarantee that you would actually talk to Mrs. Edhi or her assistant Almas, but you had to keep trying until you did. I heard stories about how they figure out how badly you want a baby by being mean and rude on the phone. If they scare you away, then that means you didn’t want a baby so badly.
Soon after coming home, our local contact told us that her brother (who was living with her) had Stage 4 stomach cancer, and she couldn't help us. (Even he didn't know he was terminal-she was hiding it from him so he wouldn't be devastated.) I was assured by a local lawyer (who I now count as a friend) that it would be ok for my mom to be my contact even though she lived over a thousand miles away from the orphanage (she also said that she would help out and get the baby if my mom couldn't get there within a day.) I called Edhi and told Almas that we had a new number and contact, and why. She said fine, and I told her my mom would be calling her to give her the details.
My mom called twice a week and got the same reply each time: “Nothing yet. Just pray.” After about three months, my mom called and was told to call back later. She was also asked if we wanted a boy or a girl. My mom told Almas that she didn’t care. She didn’t get a chance to call later that day, but called the next morning instead. Almas told her that she had talked to my mom, and that she had said she didn’t want the baby because she couldn’t pick it up! My mom told her that she hadn’t said that, and that it must be a mistake. Almas apologized, and said she would talk to her later. A week later, it happened again. The only thing we could figure was that they called the old contact and that she refused. (Coincidentally, the first contact called my mother-in-law that day and said that there was no news from Edhi and they told her to wait.)
My mom decided to fly to Karachi and visit the center personally. She did, and was told by Almas to come back the next morning. She called me, and we were so excited because we thought it was going to be good news! Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. She was reamed out by Mrs. Edhi herself and told that we were off the list and that we were never getting a baby because we had turned down two children. S. and I were devastated. We decided that the best thing to do was for me to go to Pakistan and straighten it all out myself. We bought my ticket on Thursday, October 7 and I left that Saturday morning.
I’m exhausted, and Samir needs a feeding, so I’ll continue this next time!
